“The Regents of Criminally Overpriced University have conferred on someone about to move back in with her parents the totally useless degree of some bullshit major that leaves her utterly unhireable.

“The above-named is hereby released into a barren job market, doomed to live as a modern-day serf, working solely to repay her insurmountable debt on the salary of a substitute teacher, a part-time yoga instructor, or, if she’s lucky, a drug dealer. Her matriculation at this university will have no impact on her life, save for the twelve phone calls a year when she is harassed to give this school even more of the money she couldn’t possibly possess.

“Her only chance at financial solvency will be if she is awarded a large settlement after being hit by a bus or other city-owned vehicle, or if she turns to armed robbery. May God have mercy on her soul.”

[via happyplace]